When it comes to Happiness, there are endless definitions. The reason being is because every person has its own definition of what happiness means to them. We all heard the saying that happiness lies within us but not too much about the specific layers that are blocking us from experiencing it. The benefits of happiness are endless as mentioned here. Let’s uncover those layers and get you to your personal happy place.
First off:
“Your outside situation does not define you.”
There is no right or wrong when it comes to defining our happiness. It is important to know that YOU (and you alone!) choose what it personally means. It might be beneficial to know that there are 2 aspects of happiness that need to be mentioned first to set a solid FOUNDATION of inner joy.
Hedonistic happiness: This kind of happiness is bringing us INSTANT GRATIFICATION. Mostly, that happens through external input like money, shopping, drugs, etc. As evolutionary programmed species, it is natural to always be wanting more of what we have. This leads to a vicious cycle where we are constantly SEARCHING for something outside of us instead of within.
Inner happiness: This is the foundation and the HOLY GRAIL that many of us are longing for. To get to this state we need to peel off some layers. Therefore, let’s take a look at those layers, shall we?
First Layer: Envy and Desire
“The root of all suffering comes from desire.”
Definition of envy: “a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck.”
Definition of desire: “a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen.”
Both are pushing us to set EXPECTATIONS and both are allowing us to be influenced by our surroundings and media. This happens by hearing things like “you should…”. If that helps, the word “should” almost ALWAYS is used to mention something that is based on assumptions of someone over something that has happened in the past. Do you know that person? Do you believe their truth? It is creating a sort of DEPENDENCY that leads straight to hedonistic happiness. By listening to all the “shoulds” our unconscious is starting to shift towards layering up those walls which are keeping us from truly being happy from the inside.
Statistically speaking, lottery winners’ suicidal rates often raise after a big win. The reason why is that a lot are looking at happiness from a point of desire and what they “should” spend their money on.
To unblock the first layer, start to:
Ask yourself WHAT and WHY you’re wanting to be happy?
LET GO. Non-attachment is going to be a major key.
Set an INTENTION on the first question.
Start rolling up your sleeves and take ACTION.
If you need help in unlocking, you have the possibility to win a free coaching session with me if you answer some questions around happiness from your perspective. Click here to get the chance to win a session with me.
Second Layer: Limiting Beliefs
If you have been into personal development, chances are that you have heard that expression over and over. Life coaches, like myself, talk about this a lot. Did you notice though, that without breaking through the first layer, you’re not going to be able to face the second one?
A limiting belief is a mind virus that is KILLING your inner joy. Staying in that state is self-sabotage.
We are so confronted with them on a daily basis that it is hard to discern them at times. The most important thing you can do once you discover a limiting belief is to rewire it with a more EMPOWERING belief. Some of the most common limiting beliefs (and their rebuttals) could be:
“You have to work hard for it” -> “The best things happen easily”.
“Good things come to those who wait” -> “Greatness happens if you take action - and if it’s just one single small step. Every big journey has started with one first single step”.
“Money is the root of all evil” -> “Money buys me and my closed one’s memories we’ll never forget”.
And so many more!
Third Layer: Ego and Attachment
Oh, the dear ego! It is squeezed so tightly in between our unconscious and the outer influences. We call it our identity and define ourselves through our ego. Hence, we also start to feel attached to all sorts of things and people that feed it. If you haven’t faced the first two layers, chances are it isn’t even your own ego speaking but a result of a LIFETIME CONDITIONING.
Only by living in integrity can you find true happiness.
So many believe that their identity equals their problems in their life. It is even their way of CONNECTING with others (and the reason why some are prone to attract a certain type of people around them).
There are 3 identities that hold people back from being happy:
Illness
Poverty
Victimhood
If you start researching, there are plenty of people who have been in that position but did not let that keep them from being happy.
Disabled and ill people are able to make the best of their situation and inspire others to do the same by seeing their actions.
Ever heard the term “From rags to riches”? It is not just a fairy tale but happens daily all over the world.
People who constantly victimize themselves can break free from whatever has kept them hostage, by taking their destiny in their OWN hand - whether that is a toxic relationship, old belief patterns, or something else.
Fourth Layer: Remembering Experiences and Time-Conscious Thoughts
Time often has a hold on us. We are so busy being busy and time is an easy excuse for a lot of things. The only time there is is NOW. And in the Now is the only time where you can make a DECISION. Everything that has occurred in your past is a memory trace in your brain and everything that is going to happen in the future is an expectation and anticipation of what you are IMAGINING.
It is also good to remind ourselves that in the Now we always have a CHOICE on how we feel - and I hope you choose to feel happy :-)
It can be challenging because we live in a society that moves very quickly. In those moments it is nice to remember the following example:
Imagine being stuck in quicksand. When you move quickly, the risk is very high to sink. However, if you choose to stop fighting, you will not sink. Remember that it is never about the destination but about the journey and the PROCESS. There is no such place as “getting there”.
There also is the concept of remembering and experiencing.
Experiencing = You choose to be in the NOW.
Remembering = Is a reflection of the PAST.
There is a slight distinction of happiness in there. If you choose to be in the Now, you’re seeking for INNER happiness. If you live in the past, you are seeking for happy MOMENTS. Which one are you going to choose?
Fifth Layer: The Wiring and The Unconscious
Every single one of us is conditioned. Conditioning is a result of TRIGGERS (e.g.sounds, smells, words) leading to a result. It is an association with our environment and pushes us to respond. It probably is one of the most powerful patterns we have cultivated over the years.
We all have a storage of emotions that is filled with good and bad memories and you have the choice which ones you are keeping and which you are letting go of. Whatever we put our focus on is what we will be getting. By becoming more SELF-AWARE you are in the position to shift your unconscious and rewire your conditioning.
One easy practice that you can use to practice self-awareness is observing your breath. Sounds easy, right? It isn’t always simple but can be achieved through COMMITMENT and practice.
Often we are feeling stressed which can cause OVERWHELM. Overwhelm happens when we are trying to take on too many big things at the same time. Here it can be helpful to get a coach to hold you accountable and help you to set priorities. You have the opportunity to win a free coaching session with me by letting me know your thoughts about happiness here.
Sixth Layer: Mood and Emotions
Our emotions represent our inner happy state the most. They are the CLOSEST to our core and hence the ones who we need to treat with a lot of AWARENESS.
Becoming aware that you can always MANAGE your emotions might be the biggest gift you can give yourself.
We might not always be able to control the circumstances we’re in but we can always CHOOSE how we FEEL. Emotions are good, they show us we’re alive. It doesn’t matter whether they’re good or bad. By being more self-aware you can decide on releasing those who don’t serve you at your best.
The single most powerful tool to take over bad emotions is the act of GRATITUDE. Gratitude has so many amazing benefits that you can read here.
An easy practice such as writing down 3 things or people you’re grateful for can SHIFT your entire neurological system. There are also amazing apps such as the gratitude app that help you harness the act.
Seventh Layer = Core: Congratulations on Getting To Inner Peace
YAY! You made it through! To stay in your core, it is important to always keep going back to all the previous layers and keep exploring.
I hope that this article has been helpful to go deeper into the topic of happiness. It is easy to get caught up in thinking “I just need to think positive and I’ll be happy” because that’s NOT how it works. It is a CHOICE that we can choose to make in every moment.
From envy to limiting beliefs, to ego, to time-conscious thoughts and remembering experiences, to wiring, to our emotions - we are complex and wonderful beings who have the power to choose happiness. What a gift, right?
I have another gift for you. As a certified happiness coach, I would love to offer you the possibility of winning a free session with me. All you have to do is answer a few questions concerning your thoughts about happiness right here. The deadline is September 30th, 2020. It would be my pleasure to hold you accountable and clarify the thoughts that lead you to inner happiness.
XO,
Anabell
PS: Is there one special person you know that might benefit from that post? Make sure to share it :-) Sharing = Caring = Inner Peace
